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Well done for 12 years btw, that sounds like a lifetime to me: P ocherdraco: I'm more comfortable talking about guys and "gay stuff" with my female friends than the male ones, and have occasionally said things such as "ooh, he's fit! A couple of my more crazy friends will actually go up to guys and ask them right out if they are gay or not, which leads to endless embrassment! Thanks for the advice though, I'll try and do a bit more of this: I live in a medium-sized town not too far from various larger towns and cities with gay scenes.

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I know a few local gay people and have a few gay friends from old jobs, school, etc. I'll certainly try and build up some more contacts though and see how it goes. I'm not really an activities-type guy although I'm sure it won't do any harm to make some enquiries about such things in the local area. Great advice about asking people for a date after "bedroom things" - don't know why I've never thought of this before.

I'm probably being too presumptious by assuming they were drunk and wanted a one-nighter.

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I will be sure to suggest a night out to a few friends for a bit of practice. Thanks for the advice. I think I may have taught myself to watch what I say in public in fear of being homophobically bullied, etc. I'm glad to say I've never had any trouble and the places I hang out tend to be relatively gay-friendly obviously barring one or two people here and there, like you no doubt get everywhere.

Maybe I should try slipping subtle hints into conversations as you say. In regards to a single earring, I can't do that unfortunately as I have stretched lobes on both ears. Although, I have recently bought a couple of button badges that are symbolising "gay". One badge is two male-shaped figures like you'd see on some male toilet doors standing together, and the other is a female-shaped figure behind the standard red "no entry" type sign.

I have a small handful of gay friends in your same position and my heart goes out to you; unless you live in a city with a large gay population, it's a lot harder to meet people if you're not into the stereotypical gay scene, and even harder if you don't naturally set off gaydar.

All my friends have done is use online dating services, and they sometimes go to the gay clubs anyway. This works out alright for them; not great, but alright. It gets you out there. An option is moving in with gay flatmates who then know other gay people. I think lesbians in the U. I'm not a very confident person and not really the type to walk up to strangers and enquire about their sexuality, I also think my gaydar has been defective since birth ; You remind me of one of my best friends.

He does alright though, because he lives in Washington, D.

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Also he's a giant flirt, ok, tease. I tell him that if he was a woman I would dislike him severely. I think you just need to be more aggressive. People do use how you dress, talk and act as shorthand for who you are. This means two things 1 flirting more; 2 being firm and upfront about what you want. If you are a one guy guy, then let them know from the beginning and stick to your guns. People who just want sex are gonna go for it with you, so be firm. I was very into the gay 'scene' - clubbing, parties, lots of gay friends, lots of hook-ups, difficulty finding a long term boyfriend.

My boyfriend was more like you - into metal, mostly str8 friends, not really into the gay scene, lots of surprised reactions when he came out to people. We met online and were wildly sexually attracted to each other. Got to know each other better, found that we in addition to the sexual chemistry, we got along great, so we moved in together within the year. Still happily coupled a year after that. I think gay dating and maybe all dating is a numbers game.

You need to go through a lot of folks before you find a match. So, get online and keep looking. Set-up lunches, dinners, hook-ups, or shared activities with guys you find online until you meet one you click with. Bluntly said, I see a lot of internalized homophobia in your post and it is going to inhibit your goal to meet people. In my experience, gay and lesbian people find other gay people in gay contexts and social venues. The world at large is not a great place to find a lover, though of course it happens. But I wouldn't want to count on it. I'll admit the small possibility that this is generational and not true for young people but hmmm Your squeamishness about gay social venues seems to be based on limited experience.

Which "gay scene" are you not into? Some people do not represent themselves honestly online. There are cruel people out there who will try to exploit you and your sexuality.

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Be cautious and find their Facebook to see if they are who they say they are. Pick a reputable site. There are many dating sites and apps that are specifically geared towards the LGBT community. Even sites that have high success with straight couples, like OkCupid, have a thriving community for guys looking for guys.

Some sites are notorious for hook ups like Grindr and Tinder and not as known for lasting relationships. If you consider a site like this, be honest in your profile. Create your profile.

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Again, be honest in what you're looking for in a guy. Many of these sites will ask for a series of questions that match people up based on interests. Go through this and be honest to find someone who might be compatible with you. Pick a dating spot. Once you match with someone and agree to meet, you should offer where to meet. It's a good idea to go on a walking date for a first date.

Walking through a park is good. It isn't causing you to feel claustrophobic or exposed in way a coffee shop might. Method 3. Determine if he is interested. Be on the lookout for these signs if he: Compliments you.


Tries to impress you in some way. Casually touches you. Opens up about his personal life. Invites you into his plans. Understand the predating game.

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Before becoming involved with someone, you have to go through a dance of sorts with them. There are many steps you'll probably go through before you both are honest to each other about your feelings. This happens for almost every relationship. Don't go too fast! This cannot be stressed enough. Even if he is putting out signs that he may like you, hold off a bit. That just may be his natural tendency.

You want to be able to feel out the situation before becoming committed.